INBOX

Constantly deleting                  

what's shared in my heart

defeating him in life and art.

                                                  

Would rather                            

it wasn't there                        

for him to decide.

                            

Will cut it from my flesh.            

Will burn it inside.

                              

Will kill myself rather            

then be found insane                                 

with loves that I've had                

which I keep in my brain.

          

Forgive me God                          

I know you are wise                    

You are always beside me        

no matter who tries                

to cut me to size.

                    

Always inside me                           

no matter who lies                    

no matter the disguise            

of the Loneliness Prize.

Colourless without you

rape of the mind

taking strain
feel the pain
nothing left in my brain

cant sleep
tablets are cheap
need to be buried
really deep

sitting in the dark
               a pain in my membrane
 from the empty void

my soul and emotions
 raped and stripped
now a gaping hole
 longing to be filled
not enough pills... to stop the dreams

you will catch me as i fall into sleep
but theres too many sheep ......
too many dreams

my body untouched
            is dry, lifeless and empty
it blows down the street
like a tumbleweed
passing through a one horse town

i frown
empty, lost and worthless
no longer any need to speak
you've taken my thoughts, my hopes
and what was left of my dreams
they belong to you now

Youness

Ash

Imagine

back in time

Belly in Port Shepstone

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Mask

THE RUNAWAY MAN!

Yes, there was a time

he said he loved me so much,

that he would go to the ends of the earth for me.

But I think he liked it there

Because he never came back

Again

black misery pulls
                            us
                                  down
                                              again

we tried, failed motherhood again
is he really the way, the truth and the light
has he left us behind

we didnt keep up again
always again and again
nothing new

everything happens again
its never a gain

For You

Carelessly freefalling

into the light

into the warmth

into your love.

Helplessly fighting against the fall

with no way out

I surrender all.

Before there was you

my defiant face challenged the world

a need to prove that I could do it alone

endlessly praying

for inner strength,

direction.

He sent you.

Its a wonderful, wonderful life

as we carelessly freefall

into the light

into the warmth

into our love.

21/8/2011

The Arum

2008

Consider how the lilies grow,

tall and slender

gracefully rising

From the damp marsh.

So tender, so fragile,

A symbol of purity.

Consider how the lilies grow,

a gentle cup of kindness

a new birth,

a morning sunrise.

Consider how the lilies grow,

Gathered by mourners

And laid upon the grave

Strewn along the pathway

Between death and eternity.

Consider how the lilies grow

A holy Song of Songs

Love

Peace

Serenity

And eternal beauty.

Sora de Meu Soul

From the same loving womb we came

Each in our own time;

Bringing with us the precious gifts

That were passed down the line.

The poetry in love and the music of our hearts;

A gratitude for the little things

We would encounter in our paths.

Like fireflies on a summers night

And butterflies in graceful flight;

A lone fish-eagle as it calls from on high

At the end of the day, a contented sigh.

Your happiness is my joy

And your sadness my woe;

I would gladly wield my sword for you

Against any foe.

And so Sora de meu,

The Sister of my Soul

I will love you forever

Until our blood runs cold.

The Pine Forest

How I love the forest on a day like today, the rain is falling gently, sweetly, reviving my tall green friends. Look at them swaying ever so slowly to the rhythm of the gentle rain.

The wetness seems to bring out their vital colours, the bright cool green of the pine needles. The warm, rich brown of their tall graceful bodies.

I long for them on days such as this, to walk in amongst them on the soft red, brown of their discarded clothing.

I can see it stretched out before me for quite some distance, miles and miles of soft welcome. The trees standing amongst the shadows in organized columns, my sturdy companions with their proud heads raised to the life giving rain.

Oftimes when the sky is overcast and the raindrops are falling on the path, and when I have sunk into the abyss of melancholy, and overcome by the futility of life, I come to walk with my friends, strong, graceful and everlasting.

We walk on and on together and as they raise their heads upwards, so my spirits are raised and once again my faith is restored.

Ode To A Lost Love

Sometimes at night, when the world is still

She calls to me,

My love is calling and I must go, and linger at her side.

I often see her in my dreams,

The girl with mahogany eyes,

She wanders in quite close to me,

Her presence fills the air.

She takes my hand and leads me away

To wander through the pines.

We always come here in the summer

To strip off and bathe awhile.

Her bronzed body shimmering

With the wetness of the pool.

I love to sit and watch her

As she stretches out to the sun

And the drops of glistening water slide down

Caressing her golden breast.

Our minds in tune

Our souls entwined

Loving, gently, slowly

Culminating in a pinnacle of rapture.

Lazing in the warmth

Filtering through the trees

No longer entwined, but

Held together by the afterglow.

I open my eyes to gaze upon her splendour

But I am alone and she has gone.

And now, in the night

When the world is still

I call out to her,

My girl with mahogany eyes.

1990

Remember

Why is it that when I'm all alone on a rainy day

I am overcome by a feeling of sadness and things gone by.

Loving smiles and happy laughter

Warm touches and my mothers eyes

Kind words and family meals

And the reassuring presence of my old Dad.

When I'm feeling down, I close my eyes

And I can see them all.

The baby boy with white hair and eyes of bright blue,

And a golden girl with long flaxen hair

Dimpled cheeks and puppy-dog eyes.

Down the passage I hear laughter,

It must be the boys.

How different they are.

One tall and slim, his aloofness setting him apart,

And there is the eldest, with warm eyes and a heart of gold.

They say he can do anything that he puts his mind to.

And if I look into the far corner, I'll see the lost boy

He's far away in a world of his own.

And when I listen very carefully,

I can hear a page turn,

That's my Dad reading his book in his cosy old chair.

And there is my mother in the kitchen,

Singing as she prepares the family's evening meal.

And there I am, I'm not very big really.

As I wonder around the house, I'm so happy.

I wish this day would never end.

And on a rainy day like today

When the raindrops run slowly down the windowpane,

And I'm feeling sad;

I close my eyes and there they all are,

And then I know this day will always be.

10/9/1990